Should it be the carrott or should it be the stick?

Perhaps you’re looking to influence your own behaviour, perhaps others. You have a pre-determined goal where you want a specific outcome to take place but which should it be?

But why should it be one or the other?

You could adopt an approach whereby both are adopted in order to hit a specific goal. I’m not talking seriously punitive (unless you have a sadistic streak with others and/or a masochistic streak with yourself - both of which have negative consequences) when it comes to “punishment”.

You could for example have a graded system of reward for hitting a goal - this works well if the goal is quantatively measurable (eg. I’ll do 100 sit-ups). Perhaps you can reward yourself commensurate with your achievement.

For 100 sit-ups you get X.

For 120 sit-ups you get X+Y.

Etc…

Failing to hit the hundred in the first place would be the “punitive element” (i.e. you just don’t get anything at all).

Or as a punitive task, maybe you could integrate something you don’t particularly like to do but you know will ultimately be very good for you - again this is another positive way of punitively rewarding yourself.

Of course I’ve talked about “self” here but the same principle applies to others.

And how about the concept of letting the action be the reward in itself?

Here’s an interesting article on just this concept by Keith Rosen:

Let The Action Be The Reward

All the best,

Tom

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Found this article by Kate Corbin, it nicely puts into perspective what the whole universe is all about in terms of cause/effect. What you think and feel is what you’re gonna get.

Given we all have less than positive thoughts, it goes to show how we can have rather unfortunate circumstances coming to roost.

Or put another way - if you have too many recurring negative thoughts then:

Bugger!

(And that’s the polite version!)

If you have a problem with metaphysics (or even quantum physics for that matter) then this article may be too fluffy for you, but I’d recommend you give it a whirl nonetheless. What have you to lose except that most precious commodity: Time!

So, here it is in it’s entirety, enjoy:

“And the universe is just a big Xerox machine. It simply produces multiple copies of your thoughts.” – Neale Donald Walsch.

Law of Attraction. According to the Law of Attraction, at every moment, you are in the process of attracting to yourself whatever you are giving your attention to. You are continuously drawing into your life the essence of what you predominantly think and feel. By consciously focusing your thoughts and feelings, you can attract what you want and STOP attracting what you don’t want.

As you Think, you Feel.

As you Feel, you Vibrate. As you Vibrate, you Attract.

The Law of Attraction responds to your vibrational offering with a matching vibrational response. Your vibrational offering is composed of your thoughts and accompanying feelings – your “Thought-Feelings.” Thought-Feelings are powerful magnets, attracting into your life their vibrational equivalent.
The Formula. When you understand the Law of Attraction Formula, you understand the process of manifestation. When you apply the Law of Attraction Formula, you become the conscious creator of your own life. Here’s the formula:
Think + Feel = Attract

The Universe takes your Thought-Feelings at face value. When you focus Energy with your Thought-Feelings, the Universe doesn’t know whether you’re focusing on something you want to happen or something you’re afraid might happen. It’s important, therefore, to focus all your Energy on what you do want and avoid putting any Energy into worrying about something you don’t want.

To increase your power of attraction, get yourself to the feeling place of your desire – think and feel with great emotion how it will feel to experience the object of your desire. To become a more powerful magnet for your desires, make powerful declarative statements – I am wealthy. I am gorgeous. Everybody loves me. Everything I desire comes easily and joyfully to me. But most of all, declare with all your heart – I am absolutely and eternally wonderful and worthy of everything I desire. To make sure you’re a magnet for what you want rather than what you don’t want, the key is to always choose empowering Feel-Good Thoughts.

Attract with Feel-Good Thoughts. When you feel good, stay with it and expand on it. When you’re feeling prosperous / healthy / joyful, amplify these feelings. As you think and feel from a place of abundance, joy and confidence, you create more of the things you want. When you feel bad, shift to a thought that feels better. As you think and feel from a place of doubt, fear and insecurity, you create more of the things you do not want. When you find yourself feeling poor / unwell / sad, move away from these feelings by choosing thoughts that feel better.

You create your life moment by moment as you notice how your thoughts make you feel and then consistently choose thoughts that feel better. As you choose Feel-Good Thoughts, you take back your power to create your own life. As you apply the formula Think + Feel = Attract, you truly can be and do and have whatever you desire.

Kate Corbin is a Law of Attraction Life Coach and the creator of Gold Star Coaching. Both her coaching practice and her e-book, Dining at the Cosmic Café: How to Be and Do and Have Whatever You Desire, http://www.goldstarcoaching.com/ebook.html are designed to empower you to truly live the life of your dreams. To contact Coach Kate, check out her e-book, and subscribe to Magical Musings, visit http://www.goldstarcoaching.com/

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Now that you’ve made your list, take a look at it. See each of the things you’ve listed individually, as though it were real.

Do this one at a time.

Some people say that seeing it helps you to believe it can be done. That’s true. Others say that actually focusing on it helps to get your subconscious to believe it’s possible and start making it happen. That’s also true. But those aren’t the reasons I suggest this.

I want you to see it for another reason. If you have always thought “I’d like to drive a fancy car,” see that happening. How does that actually make you feel?

Does it make no real difference in how you feel? (Forget how others feel about you. That’s their business, not yours.)

Does it actually make you feel happier? Maybe it represents a milestone, or gives you a sense of accomplishment.

You need to see it, to put yourself in the situation as though it were real, to know if it’s something you really want, or if it’s something you think you’re supposed to want.

Life is way too short to spend it messing with things you don’t want, just to live up to someone else’s expectations. If they’re concerned with laying expectations on other people, they won’t be made happy when you fulfill them anyway.

It’s your life.

What do you really want?

If there’s something on that list that you don’t see making a big change in your happiness, drop it like a hot rock. It will keep you from getting something you DO want.

Anything that you decide isn’t really important to you, cross it off.

Now, look at the list again.

How many of the things that you want don’t cost money at all? Probably some of the most important ones, I’d bet. Those are what I call “Permission Goals.”

Maybe you feel you have to somehow prove you deserve them. This can range from where you live, to what kind of people you have in your life.

Maybe you think you don’t have the time. These can be things like learning a language or musical instrument, or taking up a new hobby.

Move those goals over to another list. (There’s a worksheet provided for this.) These may be easy, or they may be the hardest to achieve, because they involve a decision. Usually they don’t involve much more than that.

Something has kept you from making the decision in the past. If it’s just not realizing that a decision was all that was in the way, or pure routine, they’ll be easy. Just do it.

If it’s some psychological issue, you’re going to have to deal with that. I’m not a psychologist, so we’ll leave that for a professional to help with.

Again, move those goals to the Permission Goals list, and cross them off the one you’re working with now.

Cleaning House

Now, you’re going to create one more list. Things to get rid of.

Face it, if your life is full of stress, and your time consumed by things you don’t enjoy, your chance of getting where you want to be is horribly reduced. If you somehow managed to get there despite those things, carrying them along with you will keep you from enjoying your goals.

You need to get rid of the clutter.

What exists in your life right now that won’t exist in your perfect life? What annoys you without giving anything positive back? What stresses, unpleasant relationships, environmental conditions, work issues, routines, commitments, etc?

List them all.

There are some types of things that should be dropped immediately. The first group are things that you do because you’re concerned about what others will think of you if you don’t do them.

If your happiness depends on what someone else thinks of you, you’ll never have control of your life. And you’ll never be happy.

You can’t please everyone. Trying is a sucker’s game.

….

Another group are the things you do because “someone has to.” Do they really? And if so, why you? What horrible thing would happen if you stopped doing them?

Commitments are more complicated. If you agreed to something, you need to make sure it’s taken care of. Or find an honest way to get out of the commitment or get it fulfilled in some other way.

Note: I’m talking about commitments that you don’t want. There are things each of us are committed to that we wouldn’t be happier giving up.

Ask yourself for many of these: Did I really agree to this, or is it defined as a commitment by convention or default?

If you didn’t agree to it, it’s not a commitment. It’s an expectation.

Someone else’s expectation. And their problem.

….

Yet another group is “Stuff I paid for.”

Hey - if you paid for it, you can drop it just as fast as you like. Don’t throw good money (and time) after a bad investment or an interest that’s waned.

Maybe you paid with effort, and you want to try and make the thing work, despite all the proof that it won’t. That’s fine if it’s something that really important to you. Just don’t do it to avoid admitting a mistake. There are better ways to live.

Failing to admit a mistake doesn’t make it less of a mistake. It makes it more of one.

….

Now, take all the things you can get rid of immediately and put them on the “Things To Get Rid Of” list.

Whatever is left is likely something that involves a void to fill. Money to pay off debts or skills needed to alleviate shortcomings.

Put those on the “Main Goals” list, if they’re really things that you need to be happy.

Remember, the only definition of what’s important in your happiness is the one you set. What I or anyone else might think of it is completely unimportant.

If it makes you truly happy without actively interfering with someone else’s life, it’s what you should do.

Part III Coming Soon…

Wishing you the best of success,
Tom O’Brien
Editor
Self Help Tips